Before going to Namo Buddha I was told that we would be holding noble silence from Friday 7 pm until 9:30 the following morning. Immediately my brain started making up reasons why I, as an adult (18 years of age), could choose when i wanted to be silent and when not. I thought the idea of being silent was dumb and stupid, then i did not know what noble silence meant. I was ignorant and to quick in my conclusions. I thought silence would do nothing for me. No later than the following morning i found that it meant more to me than i had expected. For i surprised myself and maybe the rest of the group by telling them that i would try to continue holding my silence until the end of our stay at Namo Buddha. That evening (Saturday night) Eva asked me, if i, at the end of my silence, would tell her why. I reluctantly nodded my head, for i was not sure what the why exactly was, or why my previous thought and conclusions had made such a 180. Nonetheless here i am trying the put the the why on paper.
On Friday night we started our silence. I went in with mixed feelings, after a few hours i realized the silence was actually quite nice. There was no need, no urge to fill up the space with conversations. Later that night i went up to the roof to write. Sitting there under the clear sky filled with stars next to Laura in a peaceful silence. I felt at ease. I felt comfortable. I felt a calmness entering my mind and my body. I felt small under the big body of stars, but i could hear myself more clearly than ever. I felt at peace.
The feeling i had that night stayed with me and i decided that i would try and hold my silence for longer.
I cannot say i held my silence at every moment of every day, I can say that most of the time i was a silent observer of the world surrounding me, loving every bit of it.
As i sit here, on one of the rugs in a position my legs can’t handle, in a beautifully decorated shrine room. I witness my last morning puja and i officially end my silence.
I have learnt things i had not expected to.
I have pushed myself onto a path i had not foreseen.
And i feel proud for doing a thing i had not originally intended nor wanted to do.