Reclined in my hammock, watching the yellowing evening sun flit through the honey-green and occasionally golden bay leaves, I sit with nature and The Grateful Dead during an inventory break (I was packing at the time).
I have almost all the basic stuff I need including no clue what I’m in for. On this last day with Mom, it’s starting to hit me. In 7 days I’m leaving home to live in a place radically different from the home I know for 3. Whole. Months. That’s a LOT of time. Thrice the longest time I’ve ever been away from home. Ahhhh! Exciting.
I listen to the honey-tunes, experiencing my beautiful backyard for one of the last times before I leave. Damn..
It’s strange. Typically, future experiences radically different from my current situation. Are. Frustratingly difficult to feel, well, anything about until the last minute. When I went to the Amazon, my meditation retreat, camp, graduating. I didn’t feel much of anything until right before, during or after for any of these. When people have told me “how excited [I] must be for Nepal,” I’ve just kinda nodded and agreed even though, to be honest, I haven”t. I completely understand that I’ll have many phenomenal, potentially life- changing experiences, but I don’t feel that yet.
But in this first wave, it’s starting to hit me like the outer waves of Irma on the Keys (hurrica Irma had just brought my grandparents from Miami to my house so it was fresh on my mind). This way in which I currently live will be picked up, smashed and reformed. It’s kinda a bit frightening… but I like it. Fear is good!
I can’t wait for mom to come home tonight. We’re having a goodbye/early birthday dinner for me before she goes on her retreat tomorrow. I hope she doesn’t cry too much.