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Photo by Sampor Burke, Mekong Semester.

The Leeches

[Note: This is merely a parody of Dr. Seuss’s The Sneetches, and it is therefore not an instance of copyright infringement. At least, I hope not. I should really look that up.] [Other Note: I meant to post this about two weeks ago, and I promise to follow up with more recent Yaks.]


Into the jungle, sixteen Dragons trekked,

As the marvels of nature filled us with respect.

Our blood raced through our hearts; we thought we were such stars,

But the Leeches ensured that this blood wasn’t ours.

The Leeches were tiny; the Dragons didn’t think

How viciously they’d make us into their drink.

Yet by two days’ end, all the Dragons had seen

How these slithery pests got their Freshman Fifteen.


At the top of a mountain, the Dragons found rest,

With water and snacks for us all to ingest.

It ended when one Dragon screamed with alarm,

“Wait I think something’s crawling around on my arm!”

Thus the Leeches attacked, from our toes to our necks.

I don’t know how they found us. Do Leeches use DEX?

As the Dragons all dined on delicious Lao lunch,

We picked off each Leech…oy vey, there were a bunch!


Our hike shortly resumed, as with terror we walked

At each slimy, toothed animal, each Dragon gawked,

But we knew to reality, we could conform,

For it wasn’t all that awful. Then came the storm.


“My lovelies,” it proclaimed, “Let’s raise some Cain.

My name is Sylvester McCloudy McRain.

I know you’re concerned about losing your blood,

But I’ll bring you some real terror. Hope you like mud!”


Soon, the Dragons were slipping and sliding about.

We were stuck in the jungle; there was no way out.

With hands seizing branches, feet finding their stance,

And screams when said branches were covered in ants,

Our focus was on our precarious sliding.

That we were afraid, there’s no need for confiding.

But Sylvester didn’t know what the downpour had done:

Distracted from Leeches, the Dragons had fun!


The sky darkened; Sylvester was bored and flew off.

In the chaos, the Leeches had conquered their trough.

We set up our camp, and we thought about why

To the Leeches, we were just Starbucks Venti Chai.

In all of the time that these beasts had to feed,

They’d grown quite abundant (and quite fat) indeed.

Through the night, not a Dragon felt calm or at peace,

For the foul Leech invasion seemed never to cease.


The morning arrived, and the fog was receding.

Rice, coffee, and frogs made for fine jungle eating.

We still walked with caution, for just one mistake

Could be harmful, with mud left in Sylvester’s wake.

However, each Dragon realized that each Leech

Could be quickly picked off and was easily in reach.

After all that we’d been through, the rain and the camp,

The thrilling and dangerous, the cold and the damp,

To let Leeches gather and feed, one by one,

Then remove them all when this excursion was done.


At the guesthouse, Sylvester McCloudy McRain

Was shockingly helpful from faucet to drain.

Though the last of the Leeches were still chowing down,

They’d no chance against us once we reached the town.

At the end of the night, each Dragon could agree

That we were completely, entirely Leech-free.

And of all the Dragons, I alone remain single

In that I had no Leeches. Oh wait, what’s that tingle?