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Students in a long tail boat in Indonesia. Photo by Aaron Slosberg, Indonesia Semester.

What are you nervous about coming home?

I fear forgetting the insights and memories I’ve cultivated – be it my little homestay sister’s rapturous laughter, or how to be fully at peace in quiet moments of solitude, unencumbered by self scrutiny and external expectations, life, man. ##

I am nervous that all my fears/realizations/new lens will fade away & become my comfort zone. I am scared that I will be too judgmental of others & place not use my fear to new lens to benefit myself and others. I am also nervous it will be hard to remember the trip in its honesty- and not glorifying this trip. ##

I do not want to forget the memories, lessons, experiences and people from this trip. ##

I don’t want to lose the learning & lessons from Indonesia. I am afraid to get sucked back into a place driven by western philosophy – including future oriented thinking, obsession & materialism, competition, appearance and measurable “success” at the cost of genuine connection and loving community. ##

I am nervous that the group will disconnect/I will disconnect myself from the group. I am afraid that if this happens, I will start to forget all the invaluable lessons I’ve learned here. ##

I don’t want to play the game again – small talk, make up, caring about things I don’t care about… feeling like I’m too busy to spend enough time with my family… dealing with white people… only speaking English… feeling lonely and misunderstood and trapped.##

I feel as if some of the lesson learned will slowly diminish overtime, making it so that I feel as if I am losing very important life knowledge.##

I am afraid to be overwhelm by situations that used to be part of my everyday life and being “alone” as in I am/won’t be with the group… people who understand & have been through the same instances that I have. ##

I am afraid that I’ll just go back to my old routines of staying in bed most of the day & really just doing nothing all day every day. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to fall back into my friendships at home, & that my friends will have changed & that I will forget what happened & what I’ve learned on this trip. ##

I’m scared now that I have a new perspective on life and my home I won’t enjoy the people and things I used to. I will be repulsed by a superficial love and fake friendships. I’m scared I won’t be able to handle this goodbye and turn to drugs to numb the morning. I’m scared I will forget who I was on this trip, the best version of myself. I’m scared I won’t have my 15 friends attached to my hip. ##

I’m nervous how my family situation will play out when I get back. I’m nervous I won’t be able to incorporate what I’ve learned here into my life at home. I’m nervous I won’t be able to carry out my plans and expectations for 2nd semester.