Last week I spoke about all the expansion of being in Nepal but life is full of polarities- there is never expansion without contraction. There is never joy without pain. While it is so important to share our uplifting memories, it is just important to show to the world where we suffer. It is so important to remind one another that we are all in this together.
While I am in love with Nepal and this enriching experience- it has also been incredibly uncomfortable. We all have our different edges and things we are working through. No one’s edges are the same. What is easy for one person might be the most challenging thing in the world for another. Spending almost every second of the day with the same group of (very incredible) human beings is super challenging. Talk about a mirror reflecting shadows/unhealed aspects of self! Talk about the ego desiring to project.(ultimate shadow work and personal empowerment practice although) Being 29 years old and part of a program with limited freedom can feel like suffocation at times. Eating every single meal together that is FULL of carbs (I don’t eat much rice or bread at home) with limited exercise makes the younger me who struggled with eating disorders and body image want to punch a hole through a wall when feeling triggered. Wiping my butt with my hands is definitely a new experience ( I have never been more grateful for a ‘normal’ toilet and toilet paper ) and having limited clothes from backpacking can feel annoying AF.
There are so many challenges, so much outdated program, arising for healing while I am here. There is often the voice that comes up that wants to run and hide. That says I am over this. But the only way out is through. We can run from the patterns. We can even go to a far away land. But they still exist. The only way through them is to allow them. To welcome them with wide open arms. To tell them they are safe to show their face. And hold them until they need to pass.
We all have a shadow. We all experience darkness. Even when we are adventuring in another part of the world. The suffering of human doesn’t go away. There is always a never ending perpetual problem. The art of being human is how much can we accept it. How much can we trust in our higher power. How much can we surrender and soften into the process while still unapologetically honoring Self.