Hi! My name is Squid, and I’ll be your tour guide today in the lovely town of Bluff, Utah!
Although I’ve only been here a short while, I have found a true home amidst the historical reenactors and gas station employees in this quaint corner of Utah. Let’s start our tour on the main road!
The main road through Bluff is dotted with interesting establishments which we occupied at varying frequencies. Starting with the Sinclair: “low-key not the best gas station” according to Josephine, and “way overpriced” says Natalie. Many a walk to the Sinclair resulted in a cache of snacks, pints of Ben & Jerry’s, batteries and chapsticks. We didn’t really understand the whole “made with Dinocare” situation, but loved the dinosaur vibes and ranked it highly in our ongoing debate about the best regional gas station (Cumberland Farms still wins in my book).
Simply cross the street, and we arrive at the Laundromat. In my humble opinion, this was the best laundry situation of the trip. “Anything beats Terlingua,” comments Elle. I met a nice Texan couple roadtripping in an RV while I folded my underwear, and Elle and Willow had an interesting experience bribing a woman to insert coins into the dryer for them so that they could attend a group meeting on time. I’d venture to say it was the epicenter for funky social interactions during our stay.
Follow the narrow shoulder on the left-hand side for a quarter mile to arrive at Bluff Fort: “Weird” according to everyone. Intentionally reminiscent of a 19th century colonial settlement, we got to pan for “gold,” take bizarre photos on a model covered wagon, ponder the wildly inaccurate “native dwellings,” and most importantly, eat so much soft serve, toffee, and caramel from the attached snack shack staffed by colonial-clad older white women. Traditional Utahn Mormon missionaries (replete with white shirts and black ties) also made an appearance. Fun fact: I learned that the demonym for someone from Utah is Utahn. I also learned the word demonym (thanks Eli).
Continue along the shoulder another quarter mile to reach the incomparable Twin Rocks Cafe. Post-trek brunch of Navajo tacos, frybread eggs benedict, and blue corn pancakes will go down as a gastronomic highlight of the trip. The cafe was a beacon of culinary excellence and more importantly, a place where we could have someone else cook delicious food for us in a fully-equipped kitchen. I’d estimate that we collectively trekked to the cafe upwards of 30 times in the six days we spent in Bluff.
Cross the street a final time and you’ll reach the Bluff Dwellings Resort. What can I say about Bluff Dwellings? Imagine a crystalline oasis in the desert. There, you’ll find an adequately priced snack bar serving passable smoothies and an easy-to-access pool with an awesome waterslide and a hot tub. “I got wet for the slide” comments Natalie.
(Not authorized by the Utah Board of Tourism)